Sunday, June 1, 2008

Lone Drinker VII

I haven't posted in a while due to a severe case of bloggers block but I'm home alone and sitting down to a magnum of wine and a chunk of cheese so lets kick back and kick off the gayest version of the Lone Drinker yet!

4:21: Glass #1. I have the Yankee game on mute and I'm watching the webcast of Meet the Press, this is not one of my cooler moments. I think that crack needs to be rebranded. A name change and a couple celebrity endorsements would go a long way to invigorating its consumer base. I propose "crevice" as a working name change. Crevice suggests a certain subtlety and sounds vaguely French. Additionally it's similar enough in meaning that we wont alienate our loyal consumers.

4:36: Glass #2. Tom Daschle is a very well practice political persona and that is all he is. He is not human. He is political persona.

4:38: I can't believe people buy into this lunacy.

4:42: Glass #3. Cigarette you very much.

5:07: Glass #4. Facebook is going to start running contextual ads based on imaging in profile pictures.

5:30: Congrats to the digger that found this page and I'll be sending in my resume to edit the UPI's website.

5:48: Two things: 1) If only we could control-f all of the elements of our life. 2) I don't believe in opening mail because I think it deserves its privacy.

6:00: Glass #5. Yankees lost, onto Smoking Gun Presents Worlds Dumbest Criminals 4 on truTV. I love the smoking gun but I've never heard of truTV. Hopefully I'm not as dumb as those they're about to highlight. I'm getting there.

6:04: This show is equally vapid and miraculously less entertaining than all of VH1's current programming schedule. Alcohol, do your thing...

6:09: Despite the presence of notorious douche bags Danny Bonaduce and Ron Kuby, this show is offensively bad. I'll give it one more commercial break.

6:25: I've read most of the articles nominated for 2008 National Magazine Awards recognition and really recommend Vanity Fair's City of Fear, one of the most compelling, most screen worthy examinations in journalism in the last 5 years. The New York Times Magazine's Where Boys Grow up to be Jihadis, and The New Yorker's Swingers. One article that is not, under any circumstances advisable is Everybody Sucks in New York magazine. The article is essentially a mainstream reporter denouncing the blogosphere due to her experiences with being exposed during her wedding and subsequent write-up in the NYT. The media business, and particularly print media, is not suffering solely from the flourishing of the internet. Far too much of modern media is directed at itself because far too many individuals in the media are wildly self-absorbed. I know because I went to journalism school and I'm in the media commenting on a magazine article about bloggers commenting on a newspaper piece on the author on my blog. This does not appeal to a large audience because nobody fucking cares about us.

7:12: Glass #7. Katie Couric on 60 Minutes feels like Walter Cronkite hosting an episode of TRL.

7:52: My lady friend returned home not long ago. She's makinv seafood gumbo in the kitchen. She's put the onions off to the side because she was devastated by their untimely demise. The tears flowed like water in a broken urinal.

7:58: Andy Rooney just complained about something.

8:08: Glass #8. I want to open up a bar based on the office work environment. Instead of booths there will be cubicles that can seat 3 or 4 people and instead of computer's there'll be televisions showing sport. The waitresses will all be dressed in sexy work attire and patrons will be able to call other cubicles to correspond (on work related matters). The receptionist's desk will be the bar and the CEOs office will be the VIP. Potential names include 9 to 5, The Office, The Grind and Monday's Off.

8:38: Holy crap the MTV Movie Awards are on tonight. This is the pinnacle of modern culture. May or may not return tonight.

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