Zen and the Art of Dishware Maintanance

If doing dishes were a sport it’d be prison soap dropping; everybody dreads it and it’s not actually a sport. Yet the importance of proper dishware maintenance cannot be overstated.

The 20^th Century brought us a great advancement in dishware maintenance (no, not Mexicans). The automatic dishwasher freed mankind from the burden of cleaning up after himself, the ultimate goal in the whole of human progression. But the automatic dishwasher has not been without its faults.

The primary con of the automatic dishwasher is that it has softened our resolve - and our hands - to manually wash dishes. This is problematic because many apartments and/or living quarters still do not have automatic dishwashers, especially those that feature several 20 somethings occupying the bedrooms (multiple people sharing dishware further heightens the importance of clean plates, utensils etc.). As a result, an entire generation has moved into our cities without a thorough understanding of how to manually wash dishes - and the dishwasher is partially to blame for all of this.

More to blame however, is sloth. Honestly, it’s just not that hard to clean a fucking plate. It’s just not that hard. Yet everywhere I go plates are piled like skyscrapers in sinks and there’s more crud on cups in cupboards that in the grimiest of sewers. This is really a matter of lack of effort.

There is no such thing as a kind of clean plate and no reason to partially clean a plate. If I’m going to bother putting a sponge to dishware it is going to be clean when I am finished. It’s a character flaw to hold a contrary opinion.

Further, it’s not just the top of a plate or the inside of a glass that needs to be cleaned. When one puts a plate in a cupboard it is generally on top of another plate, logic dictates that the bottom of the invading plate must be clean to maintain the cleanliness of the initial plate. And a glass generally has a person putting their lips on the inside and the outside of its rim, therefore the rim needs to be cleaned - inside and out.

Dishware Maintenance is not rocket science and its not gang anal raping but it is an important aspect of comfortable living. Think about that next time you pick up a sponge (or a bar of soap).

Like a Woman Who Makes Her Living Off of Words She Can't Properly Define

I recognize the irony of writing the last post and then not posting for a week but sometimes life gets in the way. Anyway a couple quick thoughts, two links and a promise to be back tomorrow:

Can one be insane without being mad or mad without being insane?

An amusing aspect of modern living: my roommates and I have a toothbrush holder that doesn't really fit on our sink (it stands but whenever you turn the water on or off the cold water arm bangs into it). It's just inconvenient enough to piss me off every time I use it but just convenient enough to keep me from purchasing a new one. I have friends that have ice trays that are unusually shaped and kind of a pain in the ass. However, they hold water and when placed in a freezer create ice. Things that are just convenient enough to piss us off consistently without doing anything about them. I don't think these are isolated incidents.

I bought The National's record Alligator last week and it's gone a long way to confirming my suspicion that the National might be the best band on the planet right now (or at least New York anyway).

Two very funny old Onion articles:
Barbaro and in honor of the Iowa Caucasus

Be back tomorrow.

Your New Year's Resolution

In the book Jitterbug Perfume, Pan, a centaur-like God loses power as the number of his human believers dwindles. The argument made by author Tom Robbins, by way of fantastical novel, is that the things that are important in life aren’t the actual thing but rather the belief in the thing.[1]

The Superhero Complex is the belief in that thing in all of us.

We all have abilities that we believe are exceptional. Skills like cooking, painting, decorating, arguing, dressing, trading stocks, anything under the sun that we (a) really enjoy doing and (b) think we are uncommonly good at.

The Superhero Complex is the belief that in one area of our lives, in one specific way, we are extraordinary. The Superhero Complex needn’t be confirmed by any third party or objective source, it need only exist within the individual.

The Superhero Complex in all of us is what is great about humanity. It isn’t that we are all actually great or extraordinary at something it is that we believe we are. The pursuit of the Superhero Complex activity is the purest and truest way for each of us to spend our time. The loss of the Superhero Complex is the saddest fate that can befall an individual and has led to untold misery.

My Superhero Complex is my belief that I have ideas that are worth sharing. I share these ideas through this space and the point isn't whether or not I succeed in garnering a wide readership but the pursuit of my Superhero Complex. When I write and when I post I am feeding my Superhero Complex and that is the most important aspect of the complex and its universal truth. We are our happiest when we believe in our Superhero Complex and pursue that in which we believe.

For my New Years resolution I am pledging to pursue my Superhero Complex with greater vigor. I recommend you decide what your Superhero Complex is and go after it like the pro you think you are (even if no one else does).

Because God only ceases to exist in the hearts of those that don’t believe in him.[2]

---

[1] This assertion could be entirely wrong.

[2] I’m one of them (kind of).

10 Things I Would do if I Were a Famous Rapper

The great thing about being a famous rapper is that I'm essentially supposed to be as self-indulgent as possible. Even things that I might not actually want, I have to indulge myself so that I seem excessively indulgent. Not all of us famous rappers actually care about having chrome rims (note: I could be entirely wrong about this) but we all roll on 22's. Not all of us famous rappers think men should wear diamonds but we all rock so much ice we could be glaciers. So I put together a list of excessively self-indulgent Things I am Going to do Because I'm a Famous Rapper:

10. Hire a band to follow me everywhere playing my own personal soundtrack. (eg. when I'm running they play Hustlin' by Rick Ross (while running behind me). When I'm tagging one of my bitches they play Biggie's I'm Fucking You Tonight, when I'm making sweet love to my hood rat chick they play Marvin Gaye or Bill Withers etc.)
9. Commission a cologne that smells like money. (After writing this I googled "money cologne" and found this).
8. Wear excessive amounts of said cologne.
7. Have women crawl behind me wherever I walk.
6. Have women walk in front of me throwing rose pedals in my path.
5a. Purchase a small building in Time Sq
5b. Knock the building down
5c. Erect a bronze statue of myself in its place
4. Not carry a cell phone
3. Tattoo a $100 bill on my forehead.
2. Have gold bullets with my initials engraved on them in platinum.

And the number one thing I'm going to do because I'm a famous rapper and need to be self-indulgent is...

1. Kidnap 50 Cent and make him work a desk job.

Rehashment and Endorsement

I forgot to mention something in yesterday's post. The Princeton story provides a good test for journalists who wish to present information in a fair and balanced manner (which having gone to journalism school, I know few do). The test is simply this: If the crux of a politically divisive story turns out to be flatly false, are you still be happy with the way in which you reported it?

Obviously a journalist should never be happy with reporting false information but in a case like the Princeton story a reporter has no choice but to report the information available. As long as its done in a manner that is free of bias their conscience should be clear and they should be happy with their work. Too often a sense of glee pervades the reporting of stories that favor a certain perspective. Good journalists avoid that crutch.

On another note, I just realized that you can listen to all of Okkervil River's fantastic fourth album, Stage Names on MySpace. Wonderful record by a very good band, check it out if you have the time.

Why is it called "overheard"? Question mark?

It should be "overlistened". Most people pay far more attention to conversations they overlisten to than those they are involved in.

For the uninitiated: Overheard in New York

On the American jury system:

I took the Are you a Political Radical quiz on blogthings (a killer killing-time site) the other day and ended up in an argument over whether people on a jury should be able to vote "not guilty" if they think the law is wrong. I am absolutely in favor of this practice.

We live in a society that is highly stratified politically. A cursory glance at America's 43 presidents reveals a striking similarity. The fact that they're all white men says a lot about racism and sexism but it speaks even more to a socioeconomic divide between those in this country that make the decisions and those that are forced to live with them (which also says something about racism and sexism but I'm getting off topic).

If we the people are unable to get elected those that express our beliefs through the channels allotted to us by the forefathers (well at least to the white land owning males among us) than we must assume power through other means.

If I am in a jury box, yawning through a trial, and the man that awaits judgement in front of me is being tried for marijuana use and/or distribution, there is absolutely no way that I am convicting. Period. (Quick aside: Wouldn't it be funny if people started using that prop for other punctuation marks? Question mark? I really think it would! Exclamation point!)

Those that argue of the dangers of runaway jurors talk about the structure of government and the importance of law and order but sometimes the government is plain wrong. And if a person truly believes that the accused is not guilty of a "natural" law then they have a moral responsibility to vote not guilty. Just as one would have had the moral responsibility to do so when abolitionists were being put to trial for abetting slave escapes or any of the other myriad mistakes our government has made in a little over 200 years.

Links:

I've been following this bizarre story about a Princeton pro-marriage student who beat himself up in an attempt to vilify those that opposed him. This is the link to the Princeton Conservative blog site.

This is the link to the former site of the on-line editor at Esquire, Eric Gillin (among others). They stopped producing new content at the beginning of 2006 but there's a lot there to sink your teeth into.

Being a man who rarely consumes one Guinness but frequently consumes many, I was happy to see that I'm going to be extra healthy.

Have a nice day. Period.

WTF Mate?

I accidentally own a pair of Seven jeans. I hadn't realized they were Seven jeans when I bought them and may have reconsidered the purchase due to my antipathy toward flashy designer labels but nevertheless I own a pair of Seven jeans.

I am lazy. I pay people to do my laundry, they wash it, dry it, and fold it for 60 cents a pound. It's almost as cheap as if I were to do it myself, but still I have to actually bring the laundry to the laundromat (which is 32 steps from the front door of my apartment). I did this yesterday for the first time in several weeks.

I am not wearing any underwear. Not in like a sexy Sharon Stone kind of way but in a "I don't have access to any boxers because all of them are at the laundromat" kind of way. And the point of this whole, seemingly pointless, string of words is that Seven jeans are uncommonly comfortable commando pants. I'm free and I'm lovin' every minute of it! Kudos to Seven, you may sell exorbitantly priced jeans and probably exploit child labor to do so but man do you guys make a nice pair of pants to wear when your not wearing any underwear.

Also:

There is a BMW showroom on Wall St. that I walk by everyday on my way to work. There is a sign on the store that says something to the effect of "No dogs allowed except dogs for the visually impaired," this intrigues me greatly. Are there allot of blind people looking to purchase BMW's in Manhattan? Are any of the people reading this sign visually impaired? Do people often take their dog for a walk and decide to buy a BMW? These questions plague my daily commute.

In summation:

I'm going to be a contributing writer for Dance Retailer Magazine. I am uncertain what that will entail but I imagine it will include exposing the dirt of the dance retail industry. Frankly for too long the dance retail industrial complex has corrupted the minds of our youth and I'm just the man to put them in their place. The first and last sentence of this paragraph are true, have a good weekend.