With Nobody Else Part III

Editors note: This is the third installment of the lone drinker. The last two statements are song lyrics, from Modest Mouse and the Beastie Boy's respectively, I don't know why I wrote them. When I returned to my computer this morning the word coarsened was up on dictionary.com. Also, my hand still hurts and I woke up on the floor this morning. To ensure authenticity, I have not edited any of this.

8:00: Welcome to the third installment of the lone drinker. Tonight’s post is being brought to you by a magnum of Sutter Home Pinot Grigio. Sutter Home: making taste buds question their day jobs since 1890. Tonight’s Pinot is a 2001 vintage which is probably more of a testament to the amount of time it’s aged on liquor store shelves than on vines.

8:18: I’ve been looking into the Church of Satan. My interest is more for networking opportunities than spiritual concerns. Regardless, it’s really not all it’s cracked up to be. I feel like the name was chosen more to rile up “squares” than for any other reason. I actually agree with a lot of their principles. Hell, the founder even said the religion is “just Ayn Rand's philosophy with ceremony and ritual added.” Plus cardinal sin number one is “stupidity” – I can get behind that.

8:33: Don’t Forget the Lyrics! is on Fox. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen the show and it is frighteningly entertaining. The format seems very similar to Who Wants to be a Millionaire. If I were a pessimist I might suggest that the evolution of reality television has (unbelievably) trended progressively dumber – this would definitely bear out that pessimist’s perspective (if I were a pessimist) (onto glass three).

8:43: I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the current contestant. He’s like a gayer Richard Simmons. It’s unreal.

8:46: Wayne Brady (the shows host, who’s been surprisingly funny) just made a Richard Simmons joke – I wish someone could confirm me beating him to the punch, such is the struggle of the lone drinker.

8:58: Richard Simmons just went out on the Roy Orbison tune Pretty Woman, I’m not making this up.

9:32: The lone drinker was temporarily interrupted by an Aunt who had seen I was in town this evening and asked if I could drive her husband to meet her. (umm, two and half glasses in)

9:45: During the car ride home I was listening to the “alternative” rock station in New York, 9.23 K-rock. They played a song by Chevelle, called Send the Pain Below, I like this song a great deal and did when it came out (apparently in 2002). It’s honestly one of the few commercial rock bands I thought had true potential over the last 5 years. I have no idea what they’ve done since.

10:35: Watching Mad Men. The jury’s still out on this show. I did notice something in the last episode that I thought was ill-conceived. At one point one of the secretaries says to the other “that sandwich is making me sad” with regards to a stay-in meal the woman was going to have at work. That sentence seems very 200- to me – not something that would be said in the 60s. I had another example of the liberties the program is taking with colloquialisms but I’m not on top of my game right now. (glass 6)

11:09: I truly believe the most frustrating thing that an individual can experience is knowing that which they can do well and not being given the opportunity to perform that task. I look forward to serving drinks. (7 drinks in)

11:20: Couple things; so I’ve been watching the “Send the Pain Below” video on youtube and maybe I’m wrong but the only part about that song that sucks is when they incorporate the snowboarding…without that, that songs a killer example of good early ought’s rock. Also, I’ve been punching the wall in my study, this is not an important idea but I’m curious where the studs are, I use to work in construction (also my hand hurts).

11:26: I’m on such a Chevelle kick I just air guitared myself into the ground on my rolley chair. I heard some sort of metallic object trickle away after my fall but the chair still works and I don’t seemed to have experienced traumatic back failure yet – so that was rockstar. (goodbye magnum)

11:54: Finished watching the episode of Mad Men I had been watching earlier. Who knows? I would never cheat on my significant other but every relationship exists on it’s own plain. I’m drunk and am not willing to indict others for behavior I would not engage in, despite my disagreeace with it.

11:57: btw I spent a bit figuring out which parts of my wall are supported by studs. My fists prove much of my wall is unexpectedly sturdy.

11:59: Much of my hands hurt.

12:14: I just watched the All These Things That I’ve Done video in the hopes of explaining the idiocy of myself and my dearest friends. I’ve failed completely. Jesus, that video’s stupid.

12:18: I haven’t made an alcohol update in awhile so I feel obligated. Magnum gone, Budweiser gone, onto a beer called Tecate, going to have a cigarette.

1:02: I’ve drank a great deal of water. There’s no beer left, I’m a magnum and two beers in, I’ve drank a great deal of vodka, I’m the olive king of New York.

1:12: Here’s an idea: every magazine I’ve ever read portrays a bullshit liberal perspective. How ‘bout a progressive magazine that isn’t all about left leaning politics. There’s obviously a market for men that have views that don’t coarsened

1:22: My idea does not disassociate liberal ideas, it just invalidates them.

1:29: My idea does not disassociate liberal ideas. But I think its funny to type that reflex.

For your sake I hope heaven and hell, are really there but I wouldn’t hold my breath, you wasted life why wouldn’t you waste death, you wasted life why wouldn’t you waste death.

12:48 – cause you can’t and you won’t and you don’t stop

2:20:

Drinking Alone Redux

Editors note: This is the second installment of Yfbfb's diary of drinking alone. I edited the previous post but have left this entirely unedited. There are some links that I've posted along the way that were found/posted while sober. I woke up this morning on the couch next to my computer. Apparently I passed-out sometime after 12:46.

8:00: I am happy to report that this installment of the lone drinker has begun on time. Tonight’s drunkenness is being brought to you by a magnum of Talus Pinot Grigio. Talus: delivering brutal hangovers since 1984. Tonight’s cosponsor is Fris Vodka. Fris: damaging eyesight since 1989.

8:12: Just finished my first glass of wine, this is an aggressive pace. I also just learned that Planet Earth is on from 12-2 this evening. I have yet to see this show but have heard very good things, more on it later.

8:25: I watched the most recent episode of Entourage earlier today. Many people had been bashing this show’s recent efforts but I was hesitant to be critical. After this episode I’m on board. I found the scene where Drama and Turtle are smoking pot to be particularly offensive. Man that was cheesedick.

8:53: I was watching a bit of the Colbert Report (sober: couldn't find the video of this Colbert segment but did find this video, of Colbert at the White House Correspondents dinner) and he was talking about Senator David Vitter’s number being found in the DC Madam’s phone records. I’ll try to find this link tomorrow (sober: http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601039&sid=aP3OCKJJdlGU&refer=home ) but apparently his wife, during the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal, said that she was more Lorena Bobbitt than Hilary Clinton – with regards to allowing spousal infidelity – this delights me (on glass four).

9:19: One afternoon when my friends and I were in an altered state we decided to give ourselves rap names. My name was Cervantes and my crew was the Extroditables. Cervantes says: if you haven’t copped that new T.I. shit you best do so stat. That record is fire.

9:32: Just watched Derek Jeter start a Yankee rally with a crucial single (not to take anything away from A-Rod, who’s hit was obviously huge, but it was important to get the first runner on and Jeter delivered). Anyone who loves baseball and doesn’t realize the value of Derek Jeter does not watch many Yankee games. He’s like God only he exists (glass five).

10:00: I’ve been thinking about a book I read by David Hajdu about Bob Dylan, Joan Baez, Mimi Baez, and Richard Farina. In it, Hajdu makes the claim (and substantiates it) that Dylan’s persona was essentially fraudulent. I wonder how apt that claim would be for the rest of us.

10:27: This wine’s starting to taste like caster oil. I don’t know what caster oil is, let alone what it taste like but I imagine it’s something like this. I have about a glass and a half left, I can’t wait till I can move to vodka. A friend of mine just called and told me (sober: this friend was McNuts, he didn't actually call, he texted) he’s at a boxing match that’s being broadcast on ESPN2, I love boxing.

11:14: Just finished the wine. Thank God (or his non-existent replacement). That shit really was irritating. I’ve been watching boxing for the last half an hour and I love that shit. I’ve boxed before and it is the most exhausting shit I’ve ever engaged in. I truly believe these people are sick athletes, plus they’re willing to beat the crap out of other human beings, it’s an interesting mind-set.

11:25: I’ve finished the wine and I’m now going to move to the vodka. I feel like I’ve been unextordinary thus far and expect interesting things to occur in the near future, we’ll see.

11:32: The thing is, the vodka/olive juice mix actually has too much olive mix in it. I don’t expect much more coherence.

11;38: I wonder how close I am to blacking out. This is something that is never understood in many alcoholics minds (including and most specifically mine, considering the circumstances) but I am not there yet, at least I don’t believe myself to be there (important aside: I’m writing this on microsoftword, occasionally I type words incorrectly, like microsoftword, and correct them because of the squiggly red lines.) I like to qualify myself under any and all circumstances.

11::59: It’s becoming difficult to type posts, I’m a magnum in and a solid slug of vodka, I’m going to watch Planet Earth, hopfully it’s as cool as I’ve heard.

12:10: Fuck you Gleeson. You’ve always thought you’re a progeneter (sober: I have no idea what this means). At least the Yanks won.

12:12: I’ve found people to be wonderously uninteresting.

12:14: I’m going to tackle my chair into my couch. This is is stupid.

12:16: It wasn’t so much my upperbody that suffered injuries it was my thighs and calfs.

12:17: Another cigarette and I’ll figure things out

12:25: My idiocy can’t really be describe in proper drunken speak. I only believe in feelings as they pertain to individuals worthy of feelings. When I don’t care it’s because I don’t care.

12:27: Let’s talk about existensialism: sure it means nothing (particularly to some one who can’t put together a sentence) but that’s important to a man who can’t put togethic existence.

12;37: wasted right now, we’ll see

12::46: I’m floored. Don’t really kknow why I threw myself into the couch, we’ll figure it out as we go along

Radically Honest Drinking

(Editor's note: The idea of this post was to do a running diary of drinking alone. It was also intended to be in the radically honest format. It turned out to be somewhat amusing but I'm going to do it again in the near future and at that point I won't edit for spelling or grammar mistakes. The editing I have done was minor (I regretted doing it after I realized that editing is antithetical to my purpose) but I also left some critical mistakes alone.)

9:32 I wanted to start this post at 8:00 but I got sidetracked by an Uncle’s 50^th birthday party. This post is the documentation of the consumption of a magnum of wine with a bottle of Jack Daniels as my backup in case I finish the bottle and want to stay up longer (the Jack will definitely be consumed at least in part). This post is also going to be in the radically honest format. I am concerned that this may lead to stream of consciousness thoughts, which it almost certainly will to an extent, we’ll see what happens.

1026: Three glasses of wine into the night. Just got off the phone with my former roommate, Joe Han, talked for allot longer than I had expected. Our talk focused on the Government and its potential flaws (he works for the department of defense). Interesting to me, probably not to most, I expect to have more compelling thoughts over the next several hours, we’ll see.

10:38: I find an article based on Malcolm Gladwell’s study of war games. I had mentioned that to Joe Han but had thought it to be an article in the New Yorker, my experiment in alcoholism must make a turn in the near future otherwise I’m not even going to be willing to read it again.

10:41: I’m thinking about how boring this blog post is, I am also thinking about how I have Diet Coke rather than Coke for my Jack Daniel’s mixer, this is definitely not cool.

10:51: Fifth glass of wine: I just watched (apparently) 10 minutes of Man vs. Wild. I enjoyed this time but I am lacking anything insightful to say about it. I’m going to scour the internet and see if I find anything worth of my (and your) time for a while. But first I’m going to smoke a cigarette.

10:59: I just smoked a cigarette and have been thinking about the racial divide. I believe it to be a product of people’s perception and an unfortunate outgrowth of our history. While we’re continually willing to accept that a difference exists (which I believe is primarily proposed by people like Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and white supremacists) we will continue to endure the wrath of racial suppression. I am drunk. I believe this.

11:03 I just looked at the couch my parents bought to my right. It is one or the most hideous couches I’ve ever seen. I wonder what they were thinking when they bought it. I’m about to watch Bill Stone’s Journey to the Center of the Earth, I’ll let you know what I think.

11:03: I just tried to watch Bill Stone’s Journey to the Center of the Earth: but it was wildly boring, I’m concerned that this may not actually be a post, it’s possible but I’m hoping that I have some important drunk Ideas over the next hour or two. We’ll see (six glasses).

11:15: I just finished my sixth glass of wine. I’m really concerned with the idea that I proposed before that talented individuals only have a certain amount of time to produce something superior. I just started in the spring and I’m certainly willing to accept the fact that I’m not there yet. I mean citizen cain was made by a 26 year old that shit freaks me out. Yesterday I wrote about a girl finding porn in her boyfriend’s bathroom.

11:19: I don’t know how but I saw allot of Hispanic speaking dudes telling me what to do. (Radical honestly, I really did). But I’m going to refocus, and create something good.

11:23: Apparently there are not people after me. I’m drunk and have allot more drinking to do but that seems to be a safe assumption (eight glasses)

11:25 I’m going to drink a fair amount of water, after that, I’ll experience drunkenness proper, we’ll see what happens.

11:46 I’m watching Man vs. Wild. I wonder how many of the women I’ve been with hate me. I don’t expect many of them to appreciate me much more than the species that Baer isn’t allowed to kill

11:49 There’s some sort or snake frightening Bear, he’s a harder mother fucker than me, that’s self evident, we’ll talk about this later

11:58 I can’t believe I’m still writing. I’m wonderfully drunk and writing like a retard. Hopefully my ex[ressopm wo;; be understandable/

1:48: The idea that I’ve been unable to convey, the idea that is unable of conveyance is existence. This is cheesedick but it’s the truth. We’ve lived; I’ve lived with an understanding of my own inabilities. This is wildly traumatic to me but if I’m not one of you, if I’m not one of us, I would be a liar. So we’re all the same and thus we are. Drunk or sober there’s no difference. Something I’ve always feared is not being Salinger or Fitzgerald. I’m not them. I’ll never be them, or even Klosterman or Simmons or Gladwell, I’m just a drunk, and I’m okay with that, sort of

2:05: I’ve spent the last 20 mins trying to figure out if I’m going to post any of this. I figure I’ll drink a touch more and figure it out from there (it took me 10 mins to type that scentence properly, fuck you English douches).