Monday, January 28, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
5. A Mexican will emigrate into my body
4. I'll become an alcoholic, endure excessive amounts of failure, get appointed the head of an oil company, acquire minority ownership of the Texas Rangers, get elected Governor, run for the presidency, win, bring the country to its knees with my incompetency. This weekend.
3. I'll start using the expression "y'all" (I found this magazine when I typed "y'all" into google to make sure I was spelling it correctly).
2. I'll have delusions that I'm some sort of cowboy .
And the number 1 thing I fear is going to happen to me in Texas...I'll become a born again Christian
Note: I left "Get shot by a redneck with a concealed weapon" off the list because I've come to accept the inevitable nature of this concern.
I have much to write about next week including thoughts on Texas. I've been lax this week due to my responsibilities to Dance Retail News Magazine where my article on the greening of small businesses will be coming out in March.
Special note: According to my biography at the end of the article I am working on my first novel titled Excess, Success, and Recess: the life and times of Liam Grant.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Friday, January 11, 2008
10:58: A very late start to the lone drinker, I'm a beer deep and just watched this video. When I initially recognized the idea I thought it was almost self-evident comedy, unfortunately the idea was not fully realized.
11:15: Beer 3, sometimes I read an article and think about how stupid we will seem to future generations.
11:31: This is an idea that I hope to expand on when drunk: I read a lot of articles and hear a lot of people complaining about the stupidity of Americans and it's really starting to offend me. It doesn't offend me as an American but as a person. Frankly people are stupid. This fact is not unique to the United States it is a universal fact that a vast majority of people are stupid. Too often I read commentaries and blog posts, like this, where people pan America or Americans. The only people dumber than the subjects of these articles and posts are the people who write them and think that such behavior is unique to the US. Wake up mother fuckers, you guys are retards too.
12:28: I just slugged down beer 6 when I realized I hadn't posted in almost an hour.
12:35: This article speeks to the crisis of age that I plan on writing about in the near future. There's something abound and we haven't wrapped our minds around it yet.
1:11: When do things that we've seen/heard/experienced lose their interest and why? Alcohol seems to be one of those delightful treats that keeps on giving but much in the way of music, movies, and art seem to lose their ability to intrigue after a certain amount of examinations. Why? This drunk has no answers. 9 down (and not really drunk, lest you think I am, mother fucker. Want to fight?)
1:28: Switched to Vodka. Poured a vodka club into a Christmas Glass. I'm at the home in which I grew up (no one else is). Do any women still exsist that would put out Christmas glasses during the holiday season? Would I want to date such a woman? I don't think it's just the alcohol that makes that a freigtening proposition.
1:42: Let it be said that drinking by oneself is a wondrfully cathartic experience.
2:41: A plea to McNuts to write his own blog, he's got one but has yet to post: Hey dickbag, you want to write so do it. Pissing in the wind is only fun when you hit people with it.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
In honor of the wrong turn that Esquire has taken with this gimmick, I'm going to begin posting a series of YFBFB's rules but instead of giving them weird numbers for no reason I'm just going to number them in order. I know it's novel.
Rule No. 1: If a person believes that you are going to burn in hell for eternity for not subscribing to their religion you get to think that that person and their religion are ridiculous.
Extreme Drinking, NYT style. I liked this article except at the end where every beer they rate is either 2 or 2.5 stars. What the fuck is that? The writer makes the entire article seem like the beers were surprisingly good then gives them all mediocre ratings.
100 amusing quotes, although I wish the author had stuck with historical figures, the post fades a bit when it gets to modern comedians.
The best article I've read on the softer side of Sexual Offenders in the last couple weeks. Actually it's really interesting.
This New Yorker piece is an excellent example of observational journalism. The author also does a great job of avoiding preemptively writing off the Clinton campaign as many might in a similar situation.
I don't really believe it but there are a shitload of rumors flying around the internet that the NH primaries were rigged. A healthy democracy requires a healthy amount of skepticism.
The freakonomics guys recently put together a study that had the extrapolated conclusion that prostitutes have sex with police officers more than they are arrested by them. I love those guys.
Be back tomorrow.
Friday, January 4, 2008
If doing dishes were a sport it’d be prison soap dropping; everybody dreads it and it’s not actually a sport. Yet the importance of proper dishware maintenance cannot be overstated.
The 20th Century brought us a great advancement in dishware maintenance (no, not Mexicans). The automatic dishwasher freed mankind from the burden of cleaning up after himself, the ultimate goal in the whole of human progression. But the automatic dishwasher has not been without its faults.
More to blame however, is sloth. Honestly, it’s just not that hard to clean a fucking plate. It’s just not that hard. Yet everywhere I go plates are piled like skyscrapers in sinks and there’s more crud on cups in cupboards that in the grimiest of sewers. This is really a matter of lack of effort.
There is no such thing as a kind of clean plate and no reason to partially clean a plate. If I’m going to bother putting a sponge to dishware it is going to be clean when I am finished. It’s a character flaw to hold a contrary opinion.
Further, it’s not just the top of a plate or the inside of a glass that needs to be cleaned. When one puts a plate in a cupboard it is generally on top of another plate, logic dictates that the bottom of the invading plate must be clean to maintain the cleanliness of the initial plate. And a glass generally has a person putting their lips on the inside and the outside of its rim, therefore the rim needs to be cleaned - inside and out.Dishware Maintenance is not rocket science and its not gang anal raping but it is an important aspect of comfortable living. Think about that next time you pick up a sponge (or a bar of soap).
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Can one be insane without being mad or mad without being insane?
An amusing aspect of modern living: my roommates and I have a toothbrush holder that doesn't really fit on our sink (it stands but whenever you turn the water on or off the cold water arm bangs into it). It's just inconvenient enough to piss me off every time I use it but just convenient enough to keep me from purchasing a new one. I have friends that have ice trays that are unusually shaped and kind of a pain in the ass. However, they hold water and when placed in a freezer create ice. Things that are just convenient enough to piss us off consistently without doing anything about them. I don't think these are isolated incidents.
I bought The National's record Alligator last week and it's gone a long way to confirming my suspicion that the National might be the best band on the planet right now (or at least New York anyway).
Two very funny old Onion articles:
Barbaro and in honor of the Iowa Caucasus
Be back tomorrow.