Friday, January 18, 2008

Top 5 Things I Fear Are Going to Happen To Me in Texas

I'm going to Texas this weekend. This will not turn out well.

5. A Mexican will emigrate into my body
4. I'll become an alcoholic, endure excessive amounts of failure, get appointed the head of an oil company, acquire minority ownership of the Texas Rangers, get elected Governor, run for the presidency, win, bring the country to its knees with my incompetency. This weekend.
3. I'll start using the expression "y'all" (I found this magazine when I typed "y'all" into google to make sure I was spelling it correctly).
2. I'll have delusions that I'm some sort of cowboy .

And the number 1 thing I fear is going to happen to me in Texas...I'll become a born again Christian

Note: I left "Get shot by a redneck with a concealed weapon" off the list because I've come to accept the inevitable nature of this concern.

I have much to write about next week including thoughts on Texas. I've been lax this week due to my responsibilities to Dance Retail News Magazine where my article on the greening of small businesses will be coming out in March.

Special note: According to my biography at the end of the article I am working on my first novel titled Excess, Success, and Recess: the life and times of Liam Grant.

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